Three Pillars of Trauma-Responsive Care
If you are going to be a tool in the hands of the Father, you need not only to
submit to His work, but also to commit to His character.
~Paul David Tripp
Parenting, caregiving, and mentoring are holy and hard. Even in the best circumstances, these roles stretch us and expose our weaknesses. But when we’re walking alongside kids or teens who’ve experienced trauma, loss, or early adversity, the road can feel almost too much to bear.
But here’s the good news: we are not alone or left without guidance. Trauma-responsive care isn’t about trendy techniques or perfect systems—it’s about a Person. It’s about letting the love, grace, and truth of our triune God resound through us.
At the heart of Gospel-centered, trauma-responsive care are three pillars: Safety, Connection, and Discipleship. These are not just strategies—they reflect who God is as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Safety: The Pursuing Love of God the Father
From the very beginning, God has shown Himself to be a God of safety. In Genesis 3, Adam and Eve sinned and hid in shame, but God came looking for them. He didn’t abandon them in their rebellion. He pursued, clothed, and covered them, providing both physical and relational safety.
And the Psalms remind us over and over: God is our refuge, our strong tower, our hiding place. Safe. Steady. Faithful.
But trauma can confuse the brain and the body’s sense of safety. A child may be in a physically safe home but still feel panic, fear, or distrust. That’s why felt safety is so important. It’s not just about being safe—it’s about feeling safe.
According to Dr. Bruce Perry, consistent care from a safe adult can literally reshape a child’s brain over time. Felt safety helps soften hearts and opens the door for healing. Science is agreeing with what the Word has always said. Our minds can be transformed and renewed (Romans 12:2).
Connection: The Pursuing Grace of God the Son
Jesus is our perfect model of connection. He left the glory of heaven to move toward broken humanity, not with shame or scolding, but with grace and truth.
Think about Zacchaeus. The woman at the well. The children He welcomed. He saw them. Heard them. Valued them. He pursued their hearts before addressing their behavior. That’s what connection looks like.
As parents and caregivers, we are tempted to focus on fixing what’s wrong. But Christ shows us a better way. When kids are dysregulated or defiant, we are invited to do what He did—move toward them, not away. Connection doesn’t excuse poor behavior, but it creates the space where transformation can happen.
Connection is built through proximity, presence, and patience.
Discipleship: The Transforming Work of God the Holy Spirit
Jesus knew we couldn’t walk this road alone, so He promised the Holy Spirit to teach, guide, comfort, and convict us.
Discipleship isn’t behavior modification. It’s a slow, steady heart formation. And it only grows deep roots when built on the foundation of safety and connection.
As caregivers, we get to plant seeds of truth, model grace and repentance, and intercede for our children in prayer. But we also need to remember our limits.
We can’t save our children—only Jesus can.
We can’t sanctify them—only the Spirit can.
We are not the Holy Spirit.
We are instruments. Vessels. Echoes of God’s transforming love.
Our role is to live lives of integrity, sow seeds of truth, and trust God with the results. In doing so, He changes us more and more into the likeness of Christ.
Friend, remember that you are not alone. You are not the Healer. But you can be the echo of the One who is.
Let Christ resound through you.
Reflection:
Where am I creating opportunities for felt safety in my home or ministry?
How can I connect more intentionally with my child’s heart this week?
Am I focusing on behavior modification or pointing them to Jesus and trusting the Spirit to do His work?
For more in-depth study on this topic, see the Resources page for the ten-week study called Resounding Christ through Trauma Responsiveness.
Tripp, P. D. (2020, January 18). How do I parent with grace? [Blog post]. Paul Tripp. Retrieved from https://www.paultripp.com/ask-paul-tripp/posts/how-do-i-parent-with-grace
