Looking for someone looking for you

Have you ever been lost in a crowd, scanning the room for a familiar face? Or felt the ache of longing, waiting to be seen, chosen, known? That deep desire to connect isn’t a flaw in our design. It is God’s design.

“We are all born for someone looking for us, and we remain

in this mode of searching for the rest of our lives.”

Dr. Curt Thompson

Even in a perfect paradise, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” That tells us something. We were created for relationship. We need connection.

Children who’ve come to us through foster care, adoption, or kinship care carry the invisible weight of disconnection. Their losses don’t just live in the past. They show up in little moments—a school project on family trees, a new classroom, a birthday without their birth family. Sometimes their pain leaks out through big behaviors, and it’s easy to miss what they’re really asking: Am I wanted? Will you stay?

Attachment forms in the first year of life when a caregiver consistently responds to a child’s needs. But when that care is unreliable, harsh, or absent, children learn to survive rather than trust. That early pain can shape their beliefs about themselves, others, and even God.

Not all attachment wounds look the same. Some children become highly independent, hiding anxiety behind competence. Others cling, withdraw, or act out to test whether love is real or conditional. And if we’re honest? Sometimes we’re parenting from our own attachment wounds, too. We want to love well, but we get overwhelmed, disconnected, or reactive. The good news is this: we don’t have to stay stuck. The Holy Spirit can empower our change. What’s broken in relationship can be healed in relationship. And the gospel reminds us that God didn’t wait for us to come to Him. He came to us. That’s the model of secure love.

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  

Romans 5:8

Connection doesn’t mean perfection. It means presence. It means staying even when our kids are pushing hard. It means seeing past the behavior to the hurt underneath. God didn’t wait for us to get it together. He pursued us in our mess. We can do the same for our children.

 For a deeper dive, download Resounding Christ Through Trauma-Responsiveness.